tomorrow is a school-declared holiday, by virtue of the 20+ golds and several silvers and bronzes we've won in this year's inter-school season.

the cambridge people are flying off on tuesday. sigh it's sad that not enough people can make it for the originally planned class party tmr, cos then the class can make our final goodbyes to you all... dunno if we're going to pon math lecture to send you all off, but i think it's not feasible so yeah. sad.

to cambridge people: do enjoy yourselves and study hard as well! come back and teach us all you've learnt about othello and PnP =) and be sure to take lots of pictures. that i know geri will take care of haha.

walter will be back tmr! so at least our class will not be that sad. there's still 14 people in class, unlike 1b which will only have like 8 people left xD

was just talking to a church friend who's currently sec 4 in rg about her options. one major sticking point for her not coming to rj was the "pressure". i mentioned to her about a letter in today's forum page - a JC student wrote in to say that "JC Life is one hard slog". so its not just rj - its everywhere.

i was in her position last year as well - seriously assessing my own interests, what i wanted to study in uni, appropriate scholarships, and my career choices. toyed with a lot of fanciful ideas, including applying to UWC, and studying TSD. in the end, i still made a pretty radical choice - vaulted from triple science to triple humanities. and im glad to say that so far, i havent regretted it.

only thing i regret since the dawn of this year was our moving house. i prefer the homeliness of our previous estate, the nearness of the amenities and me having my bed, study desk and books all in one room, instead of the current arrangement where bedroom and study room are separate. of course, and the fact that boonlay is so freaking far from anywhere except tuas.

i seriously don't know if i'm going to turn out like one of those success stories that rj churns out every year at the announcement of a level results or one of those forgotten ones who happened not to do as well. having a thousand plus other batchmates, of course, doesnt help much.

of course there's always those fortunate ones who seem to have everything: brains, the latest phone, laptop, mp3 player, home that is so near, and a personality that earns the approbation of the general population and teachers.

but i am reminded here that there are also those who don't have even some of those listed above. and so i stand corrected.

i need to stop thinking so much. i think i can go mad.

lots of stuff are happening this week and the next. i sometimes feel like a car speeding at first gear - ultimate destruction. why i am here blogging when i should be starting on tutorial 5b is a mystery (or maybe not). but anyhow, the workload is beginning to get to me, and heyho, its only week 3!

now juggling several things at once - softball league, Asean quiz, starting CIP and of course, homework. in the meantime i have neglected my walk with God, having skipped TF sessions and church services for the softball league these few weeks and the next few will not be any different. Stress has had a debilitating effect on me and my will has consequently weakened. i feel terrible but things are coming one after another.

and i blame myself for my social ineptitude. why doesnt the world accept loners??
maybe cos the world is superficial and unwilling to look inside themselves. they're afraid of what they might find there.


back to reality.

25% of our jc life is over and now for the next 25%.

CT results are all back, not as i had expected but then again, what is ever predictable in rj except spotchecks and canteen food. As i have been shown time and again, my math always owns my other subjects even though it is the bane of my life. i love econs and geog and lit but they always hover south. Thankfully pnp is beginning to look up a bit; but yeats is terribly volatile. i bite the words off in disgust.

Work is piling up as well: the ASEAN quiz coming up in less than 2 weeks, GP work piling up, softball commitments, etcetera etcetera... normal work has been pushed aside and ignored. my borrowed library books for the modern anthology are lying forgotten at the top of my shelves. the ethics and journalism book i borrowed has not been touched much either. needless to say, the economist is still lying pretty and wrapped up in a corner... sometimes i wished i could read something with one eye and another piece with the other and that my brain could process both at the same time. science doesnt have to be banally painful all the time you know. time to do something really like a kind of breakthrough for rj students. to make us able to study twice as much without tiring, for example.

witness the intellectual and physical disparity genetically determined in rj. some people are just imba freaks who can do everything well. unfortunately im not one of them.

and i think that people outside raffles have no right to call us elitist if they dont even know at least 5 rafflesians personally. even 5 can be too small a sample size for making such a blanket assertion, but one has to be charitable at times.

alright enough ranting. time to sleep before i conk out right here.