so. my life in rgs is now over.

right now my life is filled with packing, packing and more packing. while i was throwing away papers yesterday, i came across one of my sec one files. inside is a letter from the principal. it says: "May 2003. Dear Parents. It has been a few months since your daughter stepped into RGS (S)."

I immediately felt like crying. i felt like my heart was just twisting around inside. and i didnt even know that i'll miss rgs so much.

these few days, especially from the time towards the end of starlit night till now, random things said by people or scenes i see will spark off memories of rgs in my mind. like today, when my brother and i were discussing about school gates, i immediately thought of the familiar scene every morning when i walk in by the bus stop gate towards block d. the familiar teachers' cars parked along the road, the field, the canteen, all surface and each causes more pain than the former. to think i always ignored them or just glance at them briefly whenever i walk past. now, im struggling to hold them in.

i feel as if im growing up too fast. two years in jc and i'll be in university, God willing. then i'll officially be able to vote.

sigh. if i can call life in rgs a fairytale, my fairytale life is over. time to face up to the reality of a life chock full of responsibilities. time to enter the rat race.

not as if rgs has not sufficiently prepared me for facing adversities and challenges. i'll let down the school if i said so. but i do miss the school so much.

when i came in in sec one i didnt really like how far it was from home, and how dao the seniors were. in sec two, i entered the angsty pai phase. in sec three, i was just immersed in softball. only this year, i regret to say, have i learnt to properly treasure my life in rgs. well, better late than never.

im not sure i'll like life in rjc. the extreme sense of closeness with your friends and the casual atmosphere will surely disappear, and friends will get attached and move on to other friends. i dont wanna be stuck in a rut either, but we all love the things we have grown used to.

sigh. now back to the present. my phone is screwing up on me. stupid phone.

other than that, i hope and pray that i will not never enter IMH, even though i think so much about everything all the time. even before our philo lessons on empiricism and our existence, i have always wondered when my awareness will ever escape the trappings of my physical body and circumstances and move on to somewhere else. whenever i wonder ahout that, i get terribly depressed and moody.

back to packing. i hope i dont cry any more.