or didn't you know that already.

nowadays people around me are changing. usually, it's for the worse. unless there's something really wrong with my multisensory functions and my cognitive abilities, people are becoming more irritable, indifferent, dao and generally, more unfriendly. and it's not just restricted to one group of people. both teachers and friends are becoming weirder and weirder. and obviously, i don't understand it. or maybe it's just my overactive imagination.

i always knew that as we grow up, we'll be increasingly saddled with more responsibilities, more work, and expected to handle more complex stuff in general, including stress in absolute terms. all along i always have been able to handle them rather okay, and the people around me too. in fact i've always marvelled at my friends for their amazing capacity for stress and tried to learn from them. but somehow, when we finally reached sec four, the most senior and arguably the most stressful year in rg, things start to change. this capacity seems to have been filled to the brim. and for people trying desperately to expand their capacities, they have become more irritable and self-absorbed in order to try to cope. they engage in previously thought-to-be irrational activities, they torture their own selves mentally, physically and emotionally, in order to be able to stay largely sane and to survive the onslaught of work and tests. in effect, what they are doing could largely be self-destructive. i don't know. or maybe i could be wrong. i certainly hope i'm wrong.

but i can certainly not deny that people have changed. i'm someone who thrives on love and friendship (who doesn't?) and also encouragement. the increasing (maybe perceived) lack of it is getting me edgy and depressed. yes, depressed. i moodswing rather frequently, and respond to environmental stimulus quite obviously. even this has gotten my parents worried. and that's certainly something, to say the least.

sigh. maybe the only option now open to me is to keep trying. to try not to be drawn into this thing, this state of mind where you just mindlessly put all your effort into work and forget the existence of all else in life that just happen to be non-examinable which renders them unimportant. and those, like me, who still take notice of them, are left standing there, confused and alone, wondering: where's everybody gone?