haha im supposed to be doing chem ws now. have just finished crapping up a draft for lit essay -pats self on back- even though i think my eyes are going to close anytime soon. plus i got a whole lot of things i want to do later like wash my hair and read the Mallorean and all that. and tomoro i have training after school, as usual, and that usually takes up a lot of my energy, so it would be wise for me to sleep early tonight. but how to, when you've got an unfinished Mallorean book lurking somewhere in the shadows of your consciousness?

haha that sounded weird. must be the influence of the Belgariad. they always talked about Asharak the Murgo Grolim hovering at the edge of Garion's consciousness. only people who have read the series would know what i am talking about btw. hahaa. and now in Mallorean Zandramas is infiltrating Ce' Nedra's awareness too. lol.

hmm. quite glad holidays are coming. can take a breather - but must be disciplined too. many things need to be prepared for and handed up by term 3 - so slacking throughout the june hols is not an option, i say regretfully.

i have planned to do quite alot of things during the hols. hope i will have the perseverance to finish them all, knowing my extreme fondness for procrastination. it's a wonder i get anything done nowadays, considering the amount of effort that needs to be put in. i tend to shun away from things that require immense amount of concentration and effort, i've noticed. quite a bad failing there. no wonder i didnt do too well for ss pt.

which reminds me of the ss test today. crapped till the cows came home man. i wrote so much and such long sentences that i didnt have time for my conclusion. it was only one sentence can hahaa. a one-sentence conclusion isnt exactly the best ending. and there was one paragraph which i wrote as a counterpoint that was one whole sentence. it took up about 5-6 lines can. i am pro.

i need something to keep me awake. time to go do chem and wash my hair and all that. besides, the mosquitoes are currently having a feast around my legs. itchy itchy.

hello peeps. just read Family mag, about a single mum who suffered from bipolar disorder, a kind of depression. after reading the description from the royal college of psychiatrists, i suspect i have bipolar too >< hahah. of course not lah, but sometimes i do feel a bit extreme.

like today. i was kinda high during assembly, commenting on every single thing everybody said, but when the announcement came that our class has been booked for being the dirtiest class i felt kinda like s*** and responsible for it. this is the second class booking we've got for a dirty classroom lah, and i dont feel too good about it. it's kindof like a dubious honour thing. during assembly i was still high and was like "HAHAH we;re the dirtiest class ever" but then in class i felt totally down and pissed. especially when math class started and the product rule stuff lah. man i got a headache and felt totally like sleeping there and then. but i couldnt lah it was differentiation class and you kinda cant miss anything for a moment if not you'll lose out. plus there's a test on differentiation first weeks of school in term 3. that's not too far away.

thank goodness lydia had medicated oil and noticed that i wasnt feeling too well. haha both of us were like sniffing medicated oil like drug addicts throughout math and physics - mine even began to smell like chrysanthemum tea! can you imagine? math and physics at the end of friday! it was so siong lah. i felt totally like dying can. okay maybe not dying but you get the idea.

then yeah so i decided not to go for training cos i thought i might just collapse. but after getting out of the classroom and talking to friends i kinda felt better, but still kinda dizzy. yeah so i went home lah.

okay now its kinda late. i gotta go sleep now, got cip tmrw. byeee!

heehee its like only 10 and my whole family has been fast asleep since more than an hour ago lol. when we reached home at 7plus after dinner everybody quickly went to bathe and then went straight to sleep. me and my bro went to watch toy story on tv, but even he went straight to bed after the show ended. tada! and im still here blogging lol. xD

and the reason why is cos today we had a church outing. we all woke up at like 6 this morning and then went to church, and on to the sembawang SAF yacht club for the outing. since my parents are the main organizers they were pretty much running around alot in church and at the club. technically my bro should be the least tired cos he ran around the least. i was group leader of blue group kay. had to shout alot. haah.

ohhhh and during the break in the afternoon i played beach volleyball! it was really cool! it was like the first time ever that i played and its really fun. at first i thought, darn, im gonna embarrass myself like i did last year during volleyball module. but slowly everything came back can! i did some okay digs. but mostly it was all embarrassing attempts to serve and spike. HAHA. i even dug the ball straight into pastor brammer's stomach xD it was so embarrassing lah! but he was so sporty about it! and when we kept hitting the ball into the water he always went down to pick up for us. he's nice (: and he's gonna take us for sunday school this sunday! and teach us how to present the gospel with puppetry i think =D is that cool or what. haha.

then after that the rain came. man it poured. but thank God, by then, all the people who went out boat-riding had come back, and the people had at least played one round of captains ball and beach volleyball. so then it was a good time of fellowship and sitting around cos with the wind howling around the tent you cant really do anything but sit and talk/stone right? and with a hundred plus people around you, stoning is seriously out of the question xD so yeah. me becky and gracia just sat around playing games (: actually it was mostly gracia and becky playing and me and my bro watching. cos they know alot of games i dont know lah x) you know those slapping hands kind of game that you played in primary school? i was kind of a loner in pri school so yeah, never learnt how to play x) i didnt like them anyway. i was a poor sad mugger in pri school HAHA.

yep so slowly people left. those who were taking the bus back to church were left behind. many people crowded onto the first bus. then me my bro and my mum stayed back to take the second bus even though my dad was driving back to church in our car cos my mum wanted to make sure everything was alright. yep then when waiting for the bus to come, deacon wuimeng called me on my phone and told me that the guy who was supposed to come to fetch us lost his way xDD so the bus company was sending another guy who lived in that area to fetch us. ohman it was so funny but i was pretty frustrated at that time too. the rain was still pouring and the wind was so cold, i thought i was going to get hypothermia. so i just sat down on the ground and started writing random stuff in my notebook even though my mum was like happily chatting away to people who were joking with her on the games that she led them to play that morning. i think my mum is getting a swollen head from all the praises she got lah xD tsk tsk.

hm yep. so we went back to church at last and then made sure everything was alright before we left and went for dinner. and yep, everybody was so tired out that they conked out after their bath (: so here i am! a poor loner soul staring at a lit inanimate screen. am i loser or what. go sleep gen!! even though the tests you were worrying about are over, youre not allowed to stay up late! xD im really tired anyway. haha. just trying to record this fun day. yay alright. time to sleep! to bed, to bed!

GE is amusing. it's probably quite mild as compared to other countries, yet many people talk about it as if it is earth-shaking. but well, that's the work of ethnocentrism i guess.

my nose is running like a water tap, my throat hurts and i'm kept in perpetual drowsiness by my cold medicine. basically, it isnt the state you want to be in especially since it's the day before your math test. hms sigh. i hope i can get well soon in time for bio test on thurs xD according to mr chia, the test is very tricky, so i'll need my wits about me then. not that i don't need them normally in school though. hm.

any 408ers reading this now, please: bring your health booklets tmrw!! thank you.

i didn't know i came across as so high-maintenance. i guess you learn something new every day.

i really don't wanna change seats, i really don't.

or didn't you know that already.

nowadays people around me are changing. usually, it's for the worse. unless there's something really wrong with my multisensory functions and my cognitive abilities, people are becoming more irritable, indifferent, dao and generally, more unfriendly. and it's not just restricted to one group of people. both teachers and friends are becoming weirder and weirder. and obviously, i don't understand it. or maybe it's just my overactive imagination.

i always knew that as we grow up, we'll be increasingly saddled with more responsibilities, more work, and expected to handle more complex stuff in general, including stress in absolute terms. all along i always have been able to handle them rather okay, and the people around me too. in fact i've always marvelled at my friends for their amazing capacity for stress and tried to learn from them. but somehow, when we finally reached sec four, the most senior and arguably the most stressful year in rg, things start to change. this capacity seems to have been filled to the brim. and for people trying desperately to expand their capacities, they have become more irritable and self-absorbed in order to try to cope. they engage in previously thought-to-be irrational activities, they torture their own selves mentally, physically and emotionally, in order to be able to stay largely sane and to survive the onslaught of work and tests. in effect, what they are doing could largely be self-destructive. i don't know. or maybe i could be wrong. i certainly hope i'm wrong.

but i can certainly not deny that people have changed. i'm someone who thrives on love and friendship (who doesn't?) and also encouragement. the increasing (maybe perceived) lack of it is getting me edgy and depressed. yes, depressed. i moodswing rather frequently, and respond to environmental stimulus quite obviously. even this has gotten my parents worried. and that's certainly something, to say the least.

sigh. maybe the only option now open to me is to keep trying. to try not to be drawn into this thing, this state of mind where you just mindlessly put all your effort into work and forget the existence of all else in life that just happen to be non-examinable which renders them unimportant. and those, like me, who still take notice of them, are left standing there, confused and alone, wondering: where's everybody gone?