i have decided to make my blog *sound* more intellectual.

in that way i will not feel obligated to update it regularly nor feel guilty if i haven't.

the thing is that i don't really have either the time or energy to update my blog with juicy details about mine or other people's lives, and also because im not interested in those stuff.

gossip is a waste of time. really. but it can be a good stress releaser, i admit. that's why i indulge in it from time to time. mostly about softball people.

i feel so inadequate and so not-up-to-par nowadays that i am very insecure. i can't write as well as i used to, (think of the horrifying commonwealth essay) i don't do as well in math like i used to, and many other things which i had originally typed but on second thought, i deleted them off. i need to have something to hold on to. something to be proud about. something to call my very own pet. literally or figuratively.

i have read my previous entries in my personal paper diary. i am shocked still by my frankness in that diary and the pouring out of my tumbled and confused emotions, which i will never bring myself to reveal on this blog. it's just too personal. maybe paper is still better than electronic. we never know. man makes mistakes all the time.

time and time again ive come to realise the importance of relying on God because everyone else around you are as confused about themselves and others as you are and those who profess to know the answers just end up fooling themselves and others into hell. why not depend on the divine being who is God, omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient, who has been before time and will be forevermore. and Satan always always tries to make us forget about God and make us glory in our own sin. but thank God that if we repent of our sins and confess them honestly before Him we are forgiven. the sin is forgotten forever. may God chastise those who take His grace for granted. myself included. though im mortal and frequently fall into sin, i am grateful to God for His leading in my life and i, along the way, can see very clearly why He plans my life to end up in such and such a way. thank God.

its late now and i have house prac tomoro. good night.