Light of the world

birthday post

2007-08-16T23:42:00.000+08:00

even though it's nearing 12 and i haven't touched my case study yet, i shall blog cos today has just been such a wonderful day =)

thank you my dear friends from a13b and softball and from at large for the bday wishes and presents. i'd expected a quiet birthday but haha, guess God wanted me to be happy since promos are coming >,<

birthdays are kinda weird days. they can pass in joy and fun but then when it all quietens down it suddenly hits you that you've grown another year. or you can pass it in solitude and wish for that very celebration that prevents one from contemplation of the implications of your birthday. lol you can tell it just hit me that i'm like oldddddd now and best thing is i don't feel my age! i feel youngerr x) and less mature than i think someone of my age should be. what's more, the big 18 and the big 21 are dawning closer and closer and somehow, i dont want them to come so fast.

adulthood is scary. period.

time to go back to my case study (=

gubernatorial

2007-08-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

this is really funny. i was just scrolling through economist.com's Style Guide, which is given to all the journalists at the Economist. one of the rules is never to use jargon when you can substitute with a simpler word, and an example was "gubernatorial". i just saw it on MSN.com's Top Headlines: "Jakarta votes in first direct gubernatorial elections". Heehee.

okay maybe it wasn't that funny. but i'm currently trying to avoid long-windedness in my writing and speech. unfortunately it is something i find hard to get rid of, and consequently i suffer. i read about George Orwell's six rules of writing, here they are, theyre pretty useful:

1. Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.

2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.

3. If it is possible to cut out a word, always cut it out.

4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.

5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.

6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

i don't really understand the last one though. what constitutes barbarism? if it's something like being racist or ageist etc, isn't that relative? what is considered barbaric today might not have been in the past. some certainly might become less of a taboo in today's more liberal world. but of course, publications live in the short run - what is breaking news today is old tomorrow, and so, journalists write in whatever style is acceptable at the time.

right. my eyes are behaving like walter's habitually do. goodnight, before i forget.

US unis!

2007-08-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

today was quite a blehh day. except that i attended a talk about US universities at around 5 to 7, which was quite interesting! Grads from UMich, UIUC, UVA and Harvard came to talk to us. i took notes, so below is a summary of whatever they presented:

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (UIUC)

not really applicable cos they're strong in accounting and engineering
quite cheap fees
weather is extreme: winter can be as cold as -20 to -30 degrees!

University of Michigan

biggest soccer stadium in US
a lot of distinguished alumni! eg Larry Page (Google) and the founders of Borders Books
Their Ross School of Business ranked 1st in US by Wall Street Journal
according the powerpoint, their liberal arts college is not too bad as well
one of the largest singaporean communities in US unis
http://admissions.umich.edu

University of Virginia (UVA)

Business Week Online rankings: 2nd
founded by Thomas Jefferson in 1819 (random comment: the same year Raffles landed on SIngapore)
#2 public uni in US
-5 degrees is lowest temp so quite good weather
full tuition scholarships like the Jefferson Undergrad Scholarship available, but hard to get
strong in accounting, finance
commerce school is very popular
summer school, where you get to go some other country to pursue somehing related to your major (eg this guy went to Tibet to assess its impact on China, he's doing politicla science or something)
"honour code" you actually get to bring finals exams back home and hand it up at the end of the week!!!!!
sororities and fraternities, secret societies oO

Harvard

quite extreme weather as well
oldest US uni
more grads than undergrads (12000 to 6750)
undergrad liberal arts college is Harvard College
cross-classes with MIT
8-10% int'l students (avg 2-3 frm S'pore each year)
need-blind admissions, need-based aid
house life is good

Yale

very liberal
biggest LGBT population in US unis (LGBT meaning lesbian, gay, bi- and trans-sexual, for the uninitiated)

yep thats about all the relevant stuff i have. for more info eg SATs please check the uni webbies.

cambridge people

2007-07-29T21:44:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is a school-declared holiday, by virtue of the 20+ golds and several silvers and bronzes we've won in this year's inter-school season.

the cambridge people are flying off on tuesday. sigh it's sad that not enough people can make it for the originally planned class party tmr, cos then the class can make our final goodbyes to you all... dunno if we're going to pon math lecture to send you all off, but i think it's not feasible so yeah. sad.

to cambridge people: do enjoy yourselves and study hard as well! come back and teach us all you've learnt about othello and PnP =) and be sure to take lots of pictures. that i know geri will take care of haha.

walter will be back tmr! so at least our class will not be that sad. there's still 14 people in class, unlike 1b which will only have like 8 people left xD

was just talking to a church friend who's currently sec 4 in rg about her options. one major sticking point for her not coming to rj was the "pressure". i mentioned to her about a letter in today's forum page - a JC student wrote in to say that "JC Life is one hard slog". so its not just rj - its everywhere.

i was in her position last year as well - seriously assessing my own interests, what i wanted to study in uni, appropriate scholarships, and my career choices. toyed with a lot of fanciful ideas, including applying to UWC, and studying TSD. in the end, i still made a pretty radical choice - vaulted from triple science to triple humanities. and im glad to say that so far, i havent regretted it.

only thing i regret since the dawn of this year was our moving house. i prefer the homeliness of our previous estate, the nearness of the amenities and me having my bed, study desk and books all in one room, instead of the current arrangement where bedroom and study room are separate. of course, and the fact that boonlay is so freaking far from anywhere except tuas.

i seriously don't know if i'm going to turn out like one of those success stories that rj churns out every year at the announcement of a level results or one of those forgotten ones who happened not to do as well. having a thousand plus other batchmates, of course, doesnt help much.

of course there's always those fortunate ones who seem to have everything: brains, the latest phone, laptop, mp3 player, home that is so near, and a personality that earns the approbation of the general population and teachers.

but i am reminded here that there are also those who don't have even some of those listed above. and so i stand corrected.

i need to stop thinking so much. i think i can go mad.

2007-07-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

lots of stuff are happening this week and the next. i sometimes feel like a car speeding at first gear - ultimate destruction. why i am here blogging when i should be starting on tutorial 5b is a mystery (or maybe not). but anyhow, the workload is beginning to get to me, and heyho, its only week 3!

now juggling several things at once - softball league, Asean quiz, starting CIP and of course, homework. in the meantime i have neglected my walk with God, having skipped TF sessions and church services for the softball league these few weeks and the next few will not be any different. Stress has had a debilitating effect on me and my will has consequently weakened. i feel terrible but things are coming one after another.

and i blame myself for my social ineptitude. why doesnt the world accept loners??
maybe cos the world is superficial and unwilling to look inside themselves. they're afraid of what they might find there.

back to reality.

asean and everything else

2007-07-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

25% of our jc life is over and now for the next 25%.

CT results are all back, not as i had expected but then again, what is ever predictable in rj except spotchecks and canteen food. As i have been shown time and again, my math always owns my other subjects even though it is the bane of my life. i love econs and geog and lit but they always hover south. Thankfully pnp is beginning to look up a bit; but yeats is terribly volatile. i bite the words off in disgust.

Work is piling up as well: the ASEAN quiz coming up in less than 2 weeks, GP work piling up, softball commitments, etcetera etcetera... normal work has been pushed aside and ignored. my borrowed library books for the modern anthology are lying forgotten at the top of my shelves. the ethics and journalism book i borrowed has not been touched much either. needless to say, the economist is still lying pretty and wrapped up in a corner... sometimes i wished i could read something with one eye and another piece with the other and that my brain could process both at the same time. science doesnt have to be banally painful all the time you know. time to do something really like a kind of breakthrough for rj students. to make us able to study twice as much without tiring, for example.

witness the intellectual and physical disparity genetically determined in rj. some people are just imba freaks who can do everything well. unfortunately im not one of them.

and i think that people outside raffles have no right to call us elitist if they dont even know at least 5 rafflesians personally. even 5 can be too small a sample size for making such a blanket assertion, but one has to be charitable at times.

alright enough ranting. time to sleep before i conk out right here.

class adventure camp

2007-04-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

OH MAN. i've finally finished washing everything, from camp as well as from softball. and as i'm waiting for my hair to dry, the first waves of nostalgia are already sweeping through. i miss camp.

i was surprised at myself for the height elements. I thought i would be like in sec 3 where i freaked out majorly and was basically impotent. But this time, i freaked out less and concentrated more, achieving progress. which means that i inched along on the logs, took some time at the rock wall but climbed all the way to the top, and abseiled down the wall feeling scared but not managing to show it (i think). so yeah, i've surpassed my own expectations.

i'm very proud of my group mates and classmates too. some people whom i would have thought to back out of doing the ropes for fear of heights actually did it in the end, fear or no fear. and i am extremely happy for them that they have surpassed their limits (psychological or otherwise) as well.

but the highlight of the first day had to be dinner and post-dinner. cooking our own dinner turned out quite well, contrary to my expectations! we started cooking early, boiling the water and then the pasta, then warming up the pasta sauce. food distribution was good, with only a little bit of pasta leftover. sauce was all lapped up as well. the best thing was, we all still had room for mashed potato and cake. and the ending celebratory downing of sparkling juice (thanks to aj and aaron for that) was fantastic. it really felt good with all 28 of us, standing there in a circle, doing a "yam seng" in the dim moonlight and then feeling the cool juice down your throat. it was special.

the ensuing ice war that started with aj tricking bel (as usual) was crazy. we all started doing it! it got so bad till me and geri finally called a truce and aj had to stand in the middle attempting to limit the damage she had inflicted on our sanity. obviously it didnt really work xD

the night walk was after dinner. the solitary/pair/triple walk was the main event. as the rest had gone further down to look at the clearing, lich, bel and i decided to go first, me leading the way. wooh. i was utterly apprehensive as we entered that dark lane with nothing but our own eyes and the dim half-moonlight to guide us. as we walked along, our fear led us to talk, despite the instructors' wishes to let us hear the sounds of nature in silence. out came the confessions, the heartfelt talk that was missing from us for a very long time. for quite some time, we have talked with one another with our facades very much on. we have never opened up much to talk about heartfelt things. it seems to be a general pattern of smiling, joking and grumbling about schoolwork, followed by an occasional, seemingly blip-in-the-general-pattern kind of heartfelt talk like this which makes us seem more humane. it's funny how we call ourselves the humans people but don't really act as feeling humans. the intellectual aspect of us has usurped even the rightful place of the spirit and the emotions in most of us and we think it's normal! but the fact is that, not everything is well with everybody and there are people struggling out there, with the same problems as you do. it's depressing and emo on the one hand and oddly comforting in the other. i shall ponder more over this paradox.

meanwhile let me say abit more about the morning walk we had in the forest. i have now come to realise how wrong we were when we thought that the female instructor was being ostentatiously performing an emo speech to make us do the same thing, and we were uncomfortable with the idea, thinking that "land art" was pretentious and attention-seeking. i thought the same way initially as well, but now, as i think over what has traversed since then something worrying has cropped up. since being thinking AND feeling humans is normal, and, it being rj, we have let the intellectual part of us take dominion over the rest of the body and soul, even trying to get back to the core of our being had been labelled "abnormal" by us.

it is thus odd to find that we have sacrificed the health of our inner being to be sociable and friendly and outgoing. the latter is likened to an empty shell, pretty on the outside but hollow on the inside. one sharp rap and the shell might just collapse into fragments of dust. on the other hand, a shell full of sand would be more difficult for the ebb and flow of the waves to shift it around. if we are healthy and full on the inside, we will stay anchored to the ground and not be tossed about by every wind of circumstance and whim.

all in all, it was a memorable and inspiring camp. i believe it did all of us alot of good, if not interbonding then intrabonding. i revisited old but still cherished hopes and fears which some of the sharings in the forest awakened within me. i am so glad that im not alone in these fears and sorrows and hopes.

RJ so far

2007-02-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

i realised i haven't blogged in a long long time. probably reeling over the fact still that the long arm of Google has enveloped even Blogger. i am quite disturbed.

well. school so far has been fun. workload is not really heavy, and activities abound. There's this air of excitement and this feeling that something new is being invented or organized every moment in rj - hard to find in rg. Trainings are fun except for the fact that they end so late and i, by the decree of my parents, have to leave early (7.30pm, to be exact) in order to still be able to get home at a reasonable time and do some work. Classes rock - none of them are boring, simply for the fact that my class is not. Since tutorials are based on class discussions, and my class is an intensely debative class, such times are seldom dry. lectures are fine - sometimes dry, but never hard to follow. so i guess my academic life so far is coming along okay, though this is a little premature to say, considering that today is Valentine's Day (Happy V Day, world!)

Coffee is now the drink that my life revolves around, without which i cannot make it through the rigours of classes in the college. As a result of my (seemingly) obsessive consumption of the drink, my secret valentine (not so secret any more) has had gotten me a packet of the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf coffee beans. Sweet of him, isn't it? :) perfect for the weekend. winks.

I don't know whether to join ORA Women's softball team or not. Trainings are on every sat 3pm at RI, that probably means i can't make it for TF anymore. Extra trainings are of course a great idea to me, but think: parental objections -deflates- and church commitments. Being on something ORA is exciting, and i don't want to be a wet blanket or anything by not going for any ORA softball stuff after Slowpitch carnival. but lots of other factors weigh in as well (ceteris paribus!)

Oh well. Let things take their course, yes? I shall not think about it so much then. Adieu.

chiang mai open

2007-01-03T20:15:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to write regarding chiang mai open.

oh before i forget, i will declare that i have pledged to try my best to blog in perfect english and grammar and spelling, except for the capital letters which i am lazy to type. Grins spazzily.

we got second in women's open division. it wasn't much of a tournament for us, simply because we had two walkovers xD so we easily got into semi finals and finals. i think the only proper game we played was in the finals, which we lost simply because we made more errors than the other team did. but i'm still glad we went to chiang mai, so that in singapore we will not make the same mistakes and do better. =D

new year's eve rocked. i tell you, that was the funkiest new year's eve i've ever celebrated in my whole short life here so far. after dinner we went to this ulu place next to a lake. then we set off what the thais call "hot air lantern". at first we thought it was a type of hot air balloon, but its cooler than that. the lantern is made of paper and is in a cylindrical shape which is open at the bottom. the bottom instead has two wires crossinf in the middle, where you attach a paraffin piece. then using a lighter, you torch the paraffin and hold the lantern till the hot air inside (which rises) fills out the entire lantern. then you let the lantern go high high up into the sky, and you take lots of photos (:

to be continued-------------------

back from the hospital

2006-12-06T17:56:00.000+08:00

i have a penchant for dreary posts.

just back from the hospital, got warded on saturday midnight cos of a swollen left arm. arm had been swelling the whole week and the gp referred me to A&E. so, i landed in hospital.

up till now the docs have no idea what's wrong with my arm. they insist that there was a blood clot somewhere in me that caused the swelling, even though ultrasound and MRI showed nothing. so they say that the clot dissolved before the scans. all this just to get me out of hospital. sigh.

anyway, AJ was my neighbour for a brief 3 hours yesterday xD she was in cambodia for osl and a luggage bag fell on her head. so she was brought back on a jet and warded in the high dependency unit in the same ward as i was, on sunday. then yesterday, the docs not being able to find anything wrong with her (sounds familiar? xD) moved her out of the high dependency unit to being my room neighbour. cool or what. ms julie koh was there too, and jacq. it was quite funny cos jacq came to visit me around 2 after seeing AJ, and she stayed until 5 plus. at 4 plus we wanted to go see AJ, and then she was wheeled into my room at that very moment, with ms koh watching. haha and we both joked about how rgs people were such enigmas to doctors cos they couldnt find anything wrong with both of us, beside the outward symptoms. lol.

and then i was discharged, after 3 days of eating, sleeping, reading and watching tv. no wonder i was so lethargic today that i could only brisk walk when my original intention was to jog. and my back hurts. i feel like an old woman.

i hope my brain hasn't rotted though. AJ's certainly hasnt, even though she has a head injury. she was still full of dry humour when i visited her at various times during our stays. haha.

theres something wrong with my stupid tagboard. i shall go off to fix it now. -teeters off. bye!

nostalgia

2006-11-06T17:12:00.000+08:00

so. my life in rgs is now over.

right now my life is filled with packing, packing and more packing. while i was throwing away papers yesterday, i came across one of my sec one files. inside is a letter from the principal. it says: "May 2003. Dear Parents. It has been a few months since your daughter stepped into RGS (S)."

I immediately felt like crying. i felt like my heart was just twisting around inside. and i didnt even know that i'll miss rgs so much.

these few days, especially from the time towards the end of starlit night till now, random things said by people or scenes i see will spark off memories of rgs in my mind. like today, when my brother and i were discussing about school gates, i immediately thought of the familiar scene every morning when i walk in by the bus stop gate towards block d. the familiar teachers' cars parked along the road, the field, the canteen, all surface and each causes more pain than the former. to think i always ignored them or just glance at them briefly whenever i walk past. now, im struggling to hold them in.

i feel as if im growing up too fast. two years in jc and i'll be in university, God willing. then i'll officially be able to vote.

sigh. if i can call life in rgs a fairytale, my fairytale life is over. time to face up to the reality of a life chock full of responsibilities. time to enter the rat race.

not as if rgs has not sufficiently prepared me for facing adversities and challenges. i'll let down the school if i said so. but i do miss the school so much.

when i came in in sec one i didnt really like how far it was from home, and how dao the seniors were. in sec two, i entered the angsty pai phase. in sec three, i was just immersed in softball. only this year, i regret to say, have i learnt to properly treasure my life in rgs. well, better late than never.

im not sure i'll like life in rjc. the extreme sense of closeness with your friends and the casual atmosphere will surely disappear, and friends will get attached and move on to other friends. i dont wanna be stuck in a rut either, but we all love the things we have grown used to.

sigh. now back to the present. my phone is screwing up on me. stupid phone.

other than that, i hope and pray that i will not never enter IMH, even though i think so much about everything all the time. even before our philo lessons on empiricism and our existence, i have always wondered when my awareness will ever escape the trappings of my physical body and circumstances and move on to somewhere else. whenever i wonder ahout that, i get terribly depressed and moody.

back to packing. i hope i dont cry any more.

teen life crisis

2006-10-25T10:57:00.000+08:00

i am having a mini teen life crisis.

i am currently still vacillating between humans programme and bcml. you see, i want to be unconventional and everything, but being the oldest child in the family, you kinda feel a responsibility towards your parents. if you were the younger one at least you still have your older sibling as a buffer when you run into times of need. therefore i feel the pressure to be that "buffer".

of course everyone says that the science stream is the safest and everything, that if you want to go into humans in uni you still can, but if you took humans you couldnt go into science anymore. but well i want to have an enjoyable two years in jc. the thing is, i don't know which one i do better at, and which one i liek better. my two fave subjects are bio and lit. see the problem?

and i enjoy sports very much. i couldnt very well tell my parents i want to be a sports coach right. so i want to go into something related to sports but with a safer source of income. i want to join MCYS. heeeheee. the civil service.

maybe major in sports science/sociology or something. thats my current dream. but i dunno... ive been dreaming of becoming a doc for like, 2 years? ive all but given up on it now. somehow treating people all day long strikes me as depressing now.

but im not sure if going the humans path would secure me a job in the future. as mentioned before, i cant disappoint my parents. and i promised my parents that i would definitely help them out next time with my brother's education. how can i not? my brother is smart too.

sigh. i should be studying chinese now. off i go.

options

2006-09-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

decided to go back to the sinseh for a final rubbing before i go back for training. instead i got saddled with a whole new set of medicine and instructions to come back if it still hurts after i finish the medication. apparently my wrist hasnt healed yet.

ah well. that means no training for some more time, i guess. originally wanted to go back to training this friday cos its the last rg training for the entire cca, but i dont wanna hurt my wrist again (as jacq would say, chiangmai.... chiangmai...) hahaha. my wrist has kinda regained most normal functions including carrying moderately heavy stuff, but obviously it still cant take the rigours of softball play. sigh. i feel like a soccer player who has injured his dominant foot.

sigh. anyway, did i mention that options are very tiring? by the time it hits 4 in the afternoon, my eyes glaze over and i fall into a dreamlike state. i mean, this morning during first block chinese i was almost sleeping when reading the comprehension! for the first time in history, lydia was the one to wake me up instead of the other way round! xD and yeah, was kinda dead for math too, but matrices was quite interesting.

had lots of free time, so went out with lingxi ching and shulin to eat lunch at food republic, then shulin left us cos she had options at 12. the three of us then went to window shop for prom stuff - they very nicely went to help see my tuxes first, at mango in taka. the jacket they picked for me was super nice, it had this weird thin belt around the waist which is quite unique, and a blouse with ruffles. but the dress pants are anything special lah. according to ching, can buy that anywhere.

heehee. then they went to go try their gowns at various places. and they chased me away everytime they wanted to tryon the gowns )): so i was destined to roam the vicinity like some poor homeless vagabond. except that i was in rg uniform, so it didnt look very convincing xD

anyway. so after that, went back to school with ching while lingxi the lucky pig went home. reached school early, and went to the library to do tuition homework. there was this group of noisy sec threes a few table away from us (shulin, manda and me). hahah we kept "shh"-ing and glaring at them but they went on making noise. the best thing is, the librarians didnt even care! its not fair lah!! the other day i saw with my own eyes the librarian scolding a group of sec fours who werent even making half the noise that sec three group was making, and she chased them (the sec fours) out of the library!!! ahhhhh protest!!

i just hope that i wont fall asleep during woman's voice tmrw. must rem to bring a jacket cos ava room is freeeezing. and we;re watching mansfield park tmrw yay.

goodnight. its late.

options

2006-09-13T21:06:00.000+08:00

it is hard to type when the fingers on one of your hands are not really mobile, but i shall try xD i have just retied the red bandage on my hand! congratulate me, i no longer have to bother lickie in the mornings when i need the bandage wrapped haha. i have learnt it! xD

yay i like options. even though its so super tiring that these few days when i go home i want to just flop down and sleep, but its fun. pharm chem is surprisingly fun. my teachers are nice too. but so far ive only attended two out of the three i have to go for so yeah dunno about the last one. but i will know tomorrow haha.

colman chua is surprisingly entertaining. i had a bad experience with him as my philo teacher in sec2, so i wasnt really looking forward to diplomacy in practice. but he turns out to be so hilarious that whenever people ask "how was diplomacy?" then i'll start rattling off about the funny things he says and does, like today, when he was telling us that bryden chew went to africa last time representing the MFA, he said that they asked him to go to africa too but he refused to, and then he suddenly said, hands touching face and head bobbing around, "it will spoil my beautiful skin!" o.O our class laughed so hard that for two minutes he didnt do anything but grin around at us and giggling to himself. and oh yeah he told us that half a cup of alcohol is enough to make him tipsy, and when he gets tipsy, he starts giggling. he actually demonstrated to us how he giggles xD please diplomacy class seems to fly by. oh, and diplomats are supposed to have a robust constitution. means people who always slouch cannot be good diplomats. haha woops. does that mean im not eligible anymore? xD

ah well im sleepy. shall go sleep early. my wrist is healing quite fast now, thanks to lickie's power bandage wraps which are darn tight xD the blood always rushes down to my wrist when it is facing downwards, as in when i just hang it by me, and then my wrist feels swollen. but the blood rushes back as quickly when i elevate my wrist, and then it feels so much better. lol. funny wrist xD people think it makes me look like im a burn victim! o.O

i do hope that it would heal in time for chiangmai. really really hope so. if not, i could always bully jacq to be my personal maid xD hahah! lols. okays shall go sleep now bye.

chem is so irritating

2006-08-10T16:11:00.000+08:00

hello. i have just decided to take a break from doing chem ws.

it's so irritating. she gives us so many worksheets, doesnt teach us properly or clearly, and expects us to be able to apply "common sense" and complete the worksheets to her satisfaction. like we have so much time on our hands to spare and surf the web and check the library to source for chem info. what are teachers for? if she insists on teaching that way, then she might as well not be a teacher, just a worksheet-producer and give us the time as a free block to do our research and revision. why does she think our class always does badly in chem formatives and summatives alike? plus, the info on the web is so vast and cheem that we are not able to digest all of it without a knowledgeable person's help. if the knowledgeable person refuses to help, well then, there is no possibility of comprehension.

up till now, despite the entire hour of intense research, i still do not wholly understand what i wrote on my worksheet. is that knowledge? i doubt so. it's regurgitation, which doesnt hold any value.

sigh. can anyone tell me confidently what is being tested for chem eoi? i dont want to invest precious studying time into topics which won't be tested. and obviously, up til now she still hasnt told us what is the eoi scope. and i almost thought she was nice.

everyone can be nice, but not everyone is nice. it's the general rule versus the exceptions. don't jump to conclusions unless you're sure it wasnt an exception.

im being depressing. and im staying off any fatty food, so no chocolate. shall go jogging later in an attempt to raise hormone levels. otherwise, i'm in for a depressing afternoon. and math tuition in the night. wonderful. argh. i wish i could see my friends again.

very busy

2006-07-31T21:10:00.000+08:00

lol i dunno what im doing here blogging when i should be diligently doing my homework and researching.

eois are in three weeks, and i havent even started any serious studying. two weeks ago ms lim already told us to start sorting out our notes and i dutifully wrote a reminder down to do so in my notebook. guess what? i havent made any move on it yet xD

wow. the days are passing like a whirlwind now, week after week the days fly past. it's like, yesterday was just sunday, and today is sunday again, that kind of feeling. juggling all those school commitments and church ones are tiring me out. when last time i was able to stay quite fresh throughout the day, now, i start nodding off after recess. it's bad. gen never sleeps in class! xD

ah well. just chiong for a few more weeks and it'll be slightly slacker, (i hope!) with options. and studying chinese and math every single day. well i dont think its that bad lah. ive grown to love math heehee. makes life a bit more bearable at least, cos math is like, every day. chinese is also quite frequent, so i get to see liwei almost every day too -_- lol. he seems to have gotten some new shirts, with a disproportionate number being pink or purple. i wonder what his wife has to say about them. maybe she encourages it o_O

lol. got to go now prepare for some debate tomorrow during philo on free speech vs harmony. and of course, our dearest ss article review =D which i am still quite in the dark about. oh well. may i still be sane by the end of the year, sane enough to go Chiangmai at least =D im looking forward to it!

lol

2006-07-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

haha feli sits in front of me now, and NO feli not everything reminds me of you! xD haha you don't bug me very much what. at least, so far :S lol that day i was pms-ing lah. or maybe it's something to do with the seat. somehow i feel much more grumpy sitting there than in the seat to the right. heh. dunno lah. hope i don't blow up like that again x_x oh and ferromagnetic material is JUST A MAGNETIC MATERIAL!! hahaha =D

ooi wenting! all her fault, make me yell out involuntarily in class cos she blew into my ears without warning o_O wait. the word is SQUAWK. i have never been so positively mortified in my life when prila and shulin looked at me, mystified at the expressive abilities of my vocal cords. aaaarrgghhh.

ah well. should sleep now, goodnight to the world! to 408: indian man, chinese man! xD

imcb!

2006-07-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

imcb is fun! i'm already feeling sad that tomorrow's the last day.

ah well. part of the thrill comes from the ability to step into the lift, glance at your watch and remark to zishan/bel, "theyre having bio now, its 2 o'clock!"

hahaha. all three of us have nice partners. we all got j1 girls as partners. mine is from hc, shan's is from rj and bel's, from tjc. and theyre all nice and friendly (: please you should have watched the partners as they sit down. those paired girl-girl immediately started introducing themselves and talking about everything in common; those paired guy-girl a bit shy and hesitant; then the guy-guy one the best. sit there and act cool. hahaha.

but today was good. everybody was talking and laughing. oh and there's this guy-girl pair opposite me. cos the benches face each other in rows, and there's an empty space around my eye level in the shelves above the bench, so i get to peek at those two periodically. shoot me, i think those two are in the throes of a budding romance xD -feels a song coming into my head.

ah well. have been humming the bass part for rhd at random times during imcb. very fun. i mystify my partner =D and today we kept laughing at the stupid things we do. oh and i forgot to mention, my partner reminds me of feli! the way she laughs, speaks and writes, very like feli leh! aiyo.

okay. i shall go do my lit now. and sleep early if not i'll have to go to foodbank in the matrix in biopolis and buy coffee during break and make bel come with me and she eat icecream and grow fatter. hahaaa.

ikea and world of sports

2006-06-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

i got new running shoes today! mizuno wave precision or something. it's bright orange all 'round the bottom! hahaha. it's the men's version. actually i prefer the women's one better, not so ostentatious, but the biggest size they had instore was just right for my feet, and you have to get a shoe that's slightly longer to allow for toe room, especially when you jambreak. yeah so had to get the men's one. new balance running shoes are okay but i didnt like the designs. lol.

hoho its the last weekday of the holidays. back to work and pts and stress soon. it's been such a delightful holiday - and my last one in secondary school, which means my last proper holiday. sigh. sometimes we wanna grow up fast but we forget all the responsibilities and fewer freedoms that come with it. i guess you cant have everything yeah. hm.

this holiday has been good - ive gone for almost every training, all the pt (physical training) has been good- i actually feel stronger now. im sprinting faster, and fielding better. yep and ive read great novels (read: louisa may alcott's Good Wives) and reread others. ive done quite abit of chinese, owing largely in part to the presence of chinese homework, hahaa! plus we're moving. and all the excitement about furnishing my room and all that. rather cool.

haven't been sleeping well though. always sleep so late and wake up equally late. i'll need to re-orientate my sleeping pattern a little bit haha or else i'll die when school reopens, in like, three days. and math test is next week, THT essay test to follow a few weeks after, IMCB attachment, then in august, EOIs! plus national day commitments and all that. fasten your seatbelt, rgs sec four student. it's gonna be a hard ride.

and before you know it, it'll be absolute mugging for chinese. delightful. and options. then COMES TRAINING WITH RJ!!! hahahaa! cos we're going to chiangmai on a softball trip end december, we'll have to train together for at least a month before that. i love training with seniors, or have i told you that before? xD

alright. time to go sleep and wake up tmr. life is chock-full of cycles. even blogging is. you go through the same procedures: log in, click the blog you wanna blog in, type, think, publish, log out. woohoo!

BYYEEE. sleep early people.

holidays

2006-06-09T15:59:00.000+08:00

haven't gotten anything done at the moment, maybe except having gone for many trainings. lol this week, i came for training three days in a row. i rock right, haha cola too actually. we came on the same days. tues and thurs were rg training, wed with rj.

so happy to see the seniors again! to crap with them and catch up on stuff... haha training with them was fun. as coach put it: " my training style with rj is different, so you all should come and see." hahaha the drills were fun and quite funny at times... their fielding is as zai as ever. seriously if you ever want to see grace + fearlessness + zainess in softball fielding all at once, watch deborah! she's so zai its scary. and annabel's throws are super straight and fast. i almost died the first time she threw to me. haha. xianhui's batting too. all the time i was in infield i had almost nothing to do. lol. she hit far far over my head xD

lol resh also came. she had just rejoined softball so she didnt have the advantage of a few more months of training like the others did, but she still hasnt lost her skills, i say happily.

bryan (spelling?) the ri sec3 pitcher was so fast we asked him repeatedly to slow down when we were pitch-bunting and slap-hitting. hahaha deborah even commented, "that's NOT GIRL ENOUGH!" lol!!

the guys are so freaky. one of them, standing at home plate, hit the machine ball all the way to the sand pit. greatness. standing at the other end of the field all we could do was just swivel our heads around and watch the ball fly.

i have always thought our field was big, but now im not so sure.

hahaa. um today no training cos mr ben cancelled it of his own accord -.- shall not say anything.

but since today there's no training i stand a better chance of being able to go for tomoro's rj training. that's four trainings in a week, i say proudly.

my muscles are crying out in agony though. coach has gotten this idea into his mind that there must be pt after every training. not that i mind, it's just that i can't stand static exercises, and my tailbone is hurting alot because of all those situps and other lie-down exercises on the (hard) floor of the mini-amphi. ouch.

oh and he just introduced this twist-back thing. the problem is people who walk by can't resist taking a second look. i mean can you imagine seeing thirty over girls from all levels standing on the steps of the miniamphi twisting their backs ffrom side to side in unison, all looking forward as if they were trying to seduce somebody, counting at the same time? it's terribly embarrassing i tell you.

and i don't really like a certain teacher. 'nuff said.

alright got to go. i've taken up snacking now. it's a bad habit and unhealthy and fat-inducing to boot, but when you train so hard every week, you just can't resist a bit more food can you? haha.

going to holidays!

2006-05-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

haha im supposed to be doing chem ws now. have just finished crapping up a draft for lit essay -pats self on back- even though i think my eyes are going to close anytime soon. plus i got a whole lot of things i want to do later like wash my hair and read the Mallorean and all that. and tomoro i have training after school, as usual, and that usually takes up a lot of my energy, so it would be wise for me to sleep early tonight. but how to, when you've got an unfinished Mallorean book lurking somewhere in the shadows of your consciousness?

haha that sounded weird. must be the influence of the Belgariad. they always talked about Asharak the Murgo Grolim hovering at the edge of Garion's consciousness. only people who have read the series would know what i am talking about btw. hahaa. and now in Mallorean Zandramas is infiltrating Ce' Nedra's awareness too. lol.

hmm. quite glad holidays are coming. can take a breather - but must be disciplined too. many things need to be prepared for and handed up by term 3 - so slacking throughout the june hols is not an option, i say regretfully.

i have planned to do quite alot of things during the hols. hope i will have the perseverance to finish them all, knowing my extreme fondness for procrastination. it's a wonder i get anything done nowadays, considering the amount of effort that needs to be put in. i tend to shun away from things that require immense amount of concentration and effort, i've noticed. quite a bad failing there. no wonder i didnt do too well for ss pt.

which reminds me of the ss test today. crapped till the cows came home man. i wrote so much and such long sentences that i didnt have time for my conclusion. it was only one sentence can hahaa. a one-sentence conclusion isnt exactly the best ending. and there was one paragraph which i wrote as a counterpoint that was one whole sentence. it took up about 5-6 lines can. i am pro.

i need something to keep me awake. time to go do chem and wash my hair and all that. besides, the mosquitoes are currently having a feast around my legs. itchy itchy.

bipolar

2006-05-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

hello peeps. just read Family mag, about a single mum who suffered from bipolar disorder, a kind of depression. after reading the description from the royal college of psychiatrists, i suspect i have bipolar too >< hahah. of course not lah, but sometimes i do feel a bit extreme.

like today. i was kinda high during assembly, commenting on every single thing everybody said, but when the announcement came that our class has been booked for being the dirtiest class i felt kinda like s*** and responsible for it. this is the second class booking we've got for a dirty classroom lah, and i dont feel too good about it. it's kindof like a dubious honour thing. during assembly i was still high and was like "HAHAH we;re the dirtiest class ever" but then in class i felt totally down and pissed. especially when math class started and the product rule stuff lah. man i got a headache and felt totally like sleeping there and then. but i couldnt lah it was differentiation class and you kinda cant miss anything for a moment if not you'll lose out. plus there's a test on differentiation first weeks of school in term 3. that's not too far away.

thank goodness lydia had medicated oil and noticed that i wasnt feeling too well. haha both of us were like sniffing medicated oil like drug addicts throughout math and physics - mine even began to smell like chrysanthemum tea! can you imagine? math and physics at the end of friday! it was so siong lah. i felt totally like dying can. okay maybe not dying but you get the idea.

then yeah so i decided not to go for training cos i thought i might just collapse. but after getting out of the classroom and talking to friends i kinda felt better, but still kinda dizzy. yeah so i went home lah.

okay now its kinda late. i gotta go sleep now, got cip tmrw. byeee!

ppcc bridge-building outing

2006-05-12T21:49:00.000+08:00

heehee its like only 10 and my whole family has been fast asleep since more than an hour ago lol. when we reached home at 7plus after dinner everybody quickly went to bathe and then went straight to sleep. me and my bro went to watch toy story on tv, but even he went straight to bed after the show ended. tada! and im still here blogging lol. xD

and the reason why is cos today we had a church outing. we all woke up at like 6 this morning and then went to church, and on to the sembawang SAF yacht club for the outing. since my parents are the main organizers they were pretty much running around alot in church and at the club. technically my bro should be the least tired cos he ran around the least. i was group leader of blue group kay. had to shout alot. haah.

ohhhh and during the break in the afternoon i played beach volleyball! it was really cool! it was like the first time ever that i played and its really fun. at first i thought, darn, im gonna embarrass myself like i did last year during volleyball module. but slowly everything came back can! i did some okay digs. but mostly it was all embarrassing attempts to serve and spike. HAHA. i even dug the ball straight into pastor brammer's stomach xD it was so embarrassing lah! but he was so sporty about it! and when we kept hitting the ball into the water he always went down to pick up for us. he's nice (: and he's gonna take us for sunday school this sunday! and teach us how to present the gospel with puppetry i think =D is that cool or what. haha.

then after that the rain came. man it poured. but thank God, by then, all the people who went out boat-riding had come back, and the people had at least played one round of captains ball and beach volleyball. so then it was a good time of fellowship and sitting around cos with the wind howling around the tent you cant really do anything but sit and talk/stone right? and with a hundred plus people around you, stoning is seriously out of the question xD so yeah. me becky and gracia just sat around playing games (: actually it was mostly gracia and becky playing and me and my bro watching. cos they know alot of games i dont know lah x) you know those slapping hands kind of game that you played in primary school? i was kind of a loner in pri school so yeah, never learnt how to play x) i didnt like them anyway. i was a poor sad mugger in pri school HAHA.

yep so slowly people left. those who were taking the bus back to church were left behind. many people crowded onto the first bus. then me my bro and my mum stayed back to take the second bus even though my dad was driving back to church in our car cos my mum wanted to make sure everything was alright. yep then when waiting for the bus to come, deacon wuimeng called me on my phone and told me that the guy who was supposed to come to fetch us lost his way xDD so the bus company was sending another guy who lived in that area to fetch us. ohman it was so funny but i was pretty frustrated at that time too. the rain was still pouring and the wind was so cold, i thought i was going to get hypothermia. so i just sat down on the ground and started writing random stuff in my notebook even though my mum was like happily chatting away to people who were joking with her on the games that she led them to play that morning. i think my mum is getting a swollen head from all the praises she got lah xD tsk tsk.

hm yep. so we went back to church at last and then made sure everything was alright before we left and went for dinner. and yep, everybody was so tired out that they conked out after their bath (: so here i am! a poor loner soul staring at a lit inanimate screen. am i loser or what. go sleep gen!! even though the tests you were worrying about are over, youre not allowed to stay up late! xD im really tired anyway. haha. just trying to record this fun day. yay alright. time to sleep! to bed, to bed!

2006 GE

2006-05-07T19:12:00.000+08:00

GE is amusing. it's probably quite mild as compared to other countries, yet many people talk about it as if it is earth-shaking. but well, that's the work of ethnocentrism i guess.

my nose is running like a water tap, my throat hurts and i'm kept in perpetual drowsiness by my cold medicine. basically, it isnt the state you want to be in especially since it's the day before your math test. hms sigh. i hope i can get well soon in time for bio test on thurs xD according to mr chia, the test is very tricky, so i'll need my wits about me then. not that i don't need them normally in school though. hm.

any 408ers reading this now, please: bring your health booklets tmrw!! thank you.

2006-05-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

i didn't know i came across as so high-maintenance. i guess you learn something new every day.

i really don't wanna change seats, i really don't.

the world is ending

2006-05-03T16:32:00.000+08:00

THE WORLD IS ENDING.

or didn't you know that already.

nowadays people around me are changing. usually, it's for the worse. unless there's something really wrong with my multisensory functions and my cognitive abilities, people are becoming more irritable, indifferent, dao and generally, more unfriendly. and it's not just restricted to one group of people. both teachers and friends are becoming weirder and weirder. and obviously, i don't understand it. or maybe it's just my overactive imagination.

i always knew that as we grow up, we'll be increasingly saddled with more responsibilities, more work, and expected to handle more complex stuff in general, including stress in absolute terms. all along i always have been able to handle them rather okay, and the people around me too. in fact i've always marvelled at my friends for their amazing capacity for stress and tried to learn from them. but somehow, when we finally reached sec four, the most senior and arguably the most stressful year in rg, things start to change. this capacity seems to have been filled to the brim. and for people trying desperately to expand their capacities, they have become more irritable and self-absorbed in order to try to cope. they engage in previously thought-to-be irrational activities, they torture their own selves mentally, physically and emotionally, in order to be able to stay largely sane and to survive the onslaught of work and tests. in effect, what they are doing could largely be self-destructive. i don't know. or maybe i could be wrong. i certainly hope i'm wrong.

but i can certainly not deny that people have changed. i'm someone who thrives on love and friendship (who doesn't?) and also encouragement. the increasing (maybe perceived) lack of it is getting me edgy and depressed. yes, depressed. i moodswing rather frequently, and respond to environmental stimulus quite obviously. even this has gotten my parents worried. and that's certainly something, to say the least.

sigh. maybe the only option now open to me is to keep trying. to try not to be drawn into this thing, this state of mind where you just mindlessly put all your effort into work and forget the existence of all else in life that just happen to be non-examinable which renders them unimportant. and those, like me, who still take notice of them, are left standing there, confused and alone, wondering: where's everybody gone?

in response to leening's touching response to my previous post

2006-04-23T18:48:00.000+08:00

hi world!

not much has changed since the last post except that school has gotten much busier.

and im in a hungrier state ( my dinner's waiting for me). and not just my dinner, so is math assignment 3, chem pt indiv report and lit test preparation.

then in the weeks to come, chem and math tests on the same day, plus bio and some others. oh yah and chinese SA2 plus chinese pt. woots. how exciting.

i have read my seatingpartner's blog entry in response to my previous entry and all i can say is that, without my friends i would have quit this school long time ago. i'm glad for the positive effect my friends (with seating partner playing a bigbig part) have on me and i want to reciprocate.

and the story of joan chan shu fang is now another big source of strength to draw on in times of need.

that's all. it's dinnertime.

first week of term 2

2006-03-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

hello world.

its the second day of the first week of term 2.

how interesting. lalalaa.

today i made a shocking discovery. my seating partner's becoming numb to the world!

normally i talk to her in class and joke and stuff and she responds. now when i talk to her she is like, numb! she doesnt feel anything! ahhhh im going crazy!!

nolah. just worried about her, that's all. if both of us become crazy then my other seating partner how. she sitting beside two stony people, also will go crazy one.

sigh. do you know that no sec four taught by mr eric lau put "strongly agree" for the question "i seldom worry about life" or something like that? what does that show you about the nature of rgs?? by the time you reach sec four, if you still are bochap and stuff you are so gonna die ah. but then you also get people like my seating partner who are not bochap but they dont worry so badly already. its like they have lost all sense of excitement, adrenaline, fear, horror, or anxiety. they have become mere homework-doing, pt-finishing machines. they have become robots. they have stopped living and are only existing to get through secondary school and i heard from seating partner that rg principal actually mentioned some propaganda on the newspaper on how rgs actually spaces the work out and lets students enjoy their work due to the lack of the o levels. bullshit! look at people like my seating partner! want more proof??

gahh. by the way im not mentioning names on this post for fear of possible repercussions in light of certain events which have made people feel less secure. but well. at least i still can feel fear, if not other emotions.

but sec four in rg is not the worst. my softball senior lost 3kg in the first 2 months of going to RJ! how bad is that. anyway she says she lost 3kg but most of us in softball dont believe her. we think she lost at least 5 or more. see the stress man. and another senior says that if you can get through jc, you can go through anything in life. wow. can i transfer to poly like, right now??? sigh.

anyway got to go soon. its already 10 plus and i got a game tomorrow. homework can always rush in school lah. bye bye world.

funky

2006-03-16T20:39:00.000+08:00

today was like the first major outing my family had in a long time! (= and it was quite fun lah haha. i bought a GREEN and BLACK jansport bag! raffles colours whee. actually its mostly green haha. its funky kay x) parents said it looked obiang though. its not kay! even my bro agrees with me lor haha.

and i think my stomach is very weird. just last week i ate as if my stomach was some bottomless pit lah. these few days though, im struggling to finish a decent plate of rice. hmm... weird. and of course, adding the seemingly violent reactions of my digestive system to soy, which doesnt contain lactose, i have nothing to say.

and i would like to add, one learns something new every day (= one extremely good way to destress and to up your threshold of stress is to fit a routine in your life which you love very much and is consistently regular enough to allow the intervals of stress between it not to build up too high. for me its like softball.... three times a week and it never fails to help me destress every time. sure, it has brought me certain problems too, but the very thought of it during stressful periods (like on mondays or weds - mugger days) cheers me up. yay =D

and if you wanna force yourself to learn how to tolerate stress in a more forgiving environment than the real world itself, go rgs x_x i dunno whether this sounds like a promotion or a criticism, but well, its open to interpretation lah.

okay i gotta go now. i have a match at 8.30 tomoro mornign which means i need to reach padang at 7, which translates into having to wake up around 5.30. and i still need to pack my bag for tmr. which means i have to say goodbye now. hahah. adieu, amigos.

stressed

2006-02-24T17:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish that i could just forget all the work thats due in the near future and bury my head under the bedcovers and have a nice little nap without any worries.

sometimes i wish that i could just have a day or two, just being able to sit down at my desk, read a good book or magazine, and sip coffee and munch on chocolates with ABSOLUTELY no worries about homework, disturbances, or potential consequences on health.

evidently this hope is very much unfulfillable at this moment in time.

having just found a little time to blog, i have decided to report my uninteresting academic life so far first. our SMP project has finally been accepted into SSEF due to (i think) the intense lobbying of my teacher in charge. i dont know whether to be happy or sad about this, but i guess whatever happens is according to the will of God and i should give thanks to Him for it. so thank You God =)

alright. i seem to be having mood swings nowadays. even cat noticed. i'll be extremely high during certain lessons (eg PE) or english, and do a lot of weird stupid things that even i am beginning to try to understand, and then i stone like siao in other classes or times like recesses and lunches though my behavior in those are still kind of erratic and havent established a certain discernable pattern. maybe it has something to do with the amount of coffee i down in the mornings. hmm.

you see, the more coffee i down the longer the period of time that i'll stay alert, right? the longer the period of time i stay alert the longer i'll be hyper cos im generally not hyper when im tired. and coffee doesnt really make you more alert it just prevents the "tired" signals from going to your muscles or whatever to make you feel tired, so it justs prolongs fatigue. Therefore when the effect of coffee wears off, i'll be even more tired than i was in the morning, making me extremely stone in the later hours of the morning! yay i rock! and no its not a slippery slope -glares at whoever- hahaa.

alrights am very tired now, shall log off. dunno why im so used to sleeping early nowadays that i get tired when i sleep like at 11. die i have no threshold for stress lah. and theres crescent match tomoro. hmm. good outlet for stress? i dunno. let's wait and see (= hahas alrights. shall go do the greta mountain of homework that is waiting for me. sayonara.

crazy

2006-02-12T22:00:00.000+08:00

i am going crazy. is that bad?

just finished ss pt proposal. thank God that being in rg for an extended period of time enables you to crap your head off. thats essentially what my proposal is x_x but anyway its not assessed so who cares. the more important thing is the final product.

anyway. had a rather eventful weekend. on saturday, met lynette early in the morning at around 7 at bukitbatok mrt to go to rj together. when we reached there the t&f capts already did everything liao so me and lynette basically had nothing to do at all there except to read the really exciting book she borrowed from the library and watch the soccer match going on between the jap school and rj. haha obviously the jap school was better. most of the jap people had long hair (read: guys) and their bimbotic girlfriends were sitting in the stands chatting excitedly. lol. then dora and laufun came cos dora wanted to pass me the cadbury chocolate her sis bought back from australia. hahahaha thanks dora! (though i dont think she knows about this blog's existence. then again, not many people do) lol i alternated between reading the book together with lynette and chatting with dora and laufun and making several trips to the toilet (and the pull-up bars outside the toilet hahahaah) yep was fun but i practically wasted my entire morning. then rushed back home cos pastor and his wife plus another couple from church would be coming to our house for lunch. just came out of the bathroom like minutes before pastor arrived x)

after lunch i did math pt then i fell asleep cos i was so tired. (i woke up at 5.45am okay!) then when i woke up it was 4.30! tf starts at 4.30 every sat. so i was contemplating whether to go for tf or not and i decided to cos or else chrystal would scold me on sunday when she sees me xD she has done that regularly for the past few weeks cos i had been missing tf. i suspect they want to see if i can join tf comm by end of year thats why chrystal's nagging at me to go cos how can you be in comm but not come for sessions? lol but i dunno sats are like my only free days where i can finish hw. and yesterday joel practically forced me to go for guitar lessons in tf from 3 every sat. i dunno if i can make it or not leh. i badly want to learn guitar but should i sacrifice my sat afternoons just like that?

then again i see people like leening who have regular commitments like syo and 3rd lang still and i feel guilty lah. im seriously confused. anyway. as the Lord leads i guess. today pastor's message was "wait upon the Lord." i think its very true =) so i shall apply it! haha.

anyway to wrap up today i went boot-shopping with liping after church. she's the one who needs to buy a pair urgently, not me, and end up i was the one who made a purchase and not her. somehow the boots she chose was not in stock lah hahaha. and mine was. lol.

anwyay got to go now. had high fever this afternoon when i was boot-shopping lah. then came back and slept so feeling better now. hope will be able to play in matches this week.

2006-02-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

these days i seem to be becoming increasingly crazy. 408ers and softballers will know what i mean. hahaha. it seems like in the morning im really dead and sleepy then when class comes i suddenly come alive and do and say weird things. lol this morning's singing episode during english proves it all xD

hahaha and im feeling really stressed. today math pt AND ss pt were given out. and both projects' proposals are due next week -.- plus ss pt is 30% of the whole year! thats really crazy lah. if i flunk it i die. -dies-

and for math mrs chew is assigning us our groups. she says she will ask for feedback from other subject teachers before making the groupings -.- lets hope i get someone i can work with and not someone who keeps getting distracted. people like leening and cat and lydia and possibly lichen. it would be a blessing to get lichen in the group, on serious thought. or brenda or christabel. hmmm. the math geniuses.

im becoming more backward in a lot of stuff. nowadays if i score like 60-70% on something im happy. possibly a result of being in rg for so long. and i suspect im gonna suffer burnout sometime soon. softball season starts next week.

dont need to sleep already lah. rgs encourages bad habits no matter what they say about an all-rounded education. number one we had a one hour talk immediately after school today which prevented me from eating lunch until 3.30. hello 3.30's like teatime already lah. stupid jalleh.

number two. we are encouraged to take up leadership roles and stuff but the amount of work we have seriously only allows those with a greater tolerance of sleeping late and greater overall stamina to succeed. and sadly i am not one of them.

number three. rg is SERIOUSLY biased toward gepers. 'nuff said.

number four. it promotes greed. think of the sec four math pt.

this list is not exhaustive but my mind is just too zonked out to be able to go on any more. i have math tuition tonight and im seriously going to die cos i seem to have stopped all thinking. school is already so draining, how to do other things i ask you?

dont come rg if you dont mind. it burns you out.

blah

2006-01-20T22:19:00.000+08:00

i have decided to make my blog *sound* more intellectual.

in that way i will not feel obligated to update it regularly nor feel guilty if i haven't.

the thing is that i don't really have either the time or energy to update my blog with juicy details about mine or other people's lives, and also because im not interested in those stuff.

gossip is a waste of time. really. but it can be a good stress releaser, i admit. that's why i indulge in it from time to time. mostly about softball people.

i feel so inadequate and so not-up-to-par nowadays that i am very insecure. i can't write as well as i used to, (think of the horrifying commonwealth essay) i don't do as well in math like i used to, and many other things which i had originally typed but on second thought, i deleted them off. i need to have something to hold on to. something to be proud about. something to call my very own pet. literally or figuratively.

i have read my previous entries in my personal paper diary. i am shocked still by my frankness in that diary and the pouring out of my tumbled and confused emotions, which i will never bring myself to reveal on this blog. it's just too personal. maybe paper is still better than electronic. we never know. man makes mistakes all the time.

time and time again ive come to realise the importance of relying on God because everyone else around you are as confused about themselves and others as you are and those who profess to know the answers just end up fooling themselves and others into hell. why not depend on the divine being who is God, omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient, who has been before time and will be forevermore. and Satan always always tries to make us forget about God and make us glory in our own sin. but thank God that if we repent of our sins and confess them honestly before Him we are forgiven. the sin is forgotten forever. may God chastise those who take His grace for granted. myself included. though im mortal and frequently fall into sin, i am grateful to God for His leading in my life and i, along the way, can see very clearly why He plans my life to end up in such and such a way. thank God.

its late now and i have house prac tomoro. good night.

tagged by zishan!

2006-01-09T19:52:00.000+08:00

lol i was tagged by zishan to do this! x) alright i am nice and shall do it lol.

rules of the game: post 5 weird and random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. dont forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read yours.

1. I am dao.
2. I have mood swings.
3. I blank out so easily i scare myself sometimes.
4. I want to practise sports medicine but andrew chia says there're only 30-50 places each year for medical scholarships for females )=
5. i love to write but i only produce a decent essay like once in a blue moon so that's very bad x_x

yaay! now i want erm i dunno who to do okay whoever comes and reads this must do i have to go eat now gah my dad's yelling at me okays bye.

2005-12-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom
What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

ccao!

2005-12-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

wahaha! tomoro will be a very eventful day! yeah its ccao and im gonna see everyone else again, but its also gonna be my last day of work and my payday! x) wahahahah. woo but my clothes for new year plus all the rest of the wants on my list are more or less fulfilled so yeah im prob gonna give the money to my parents. lol with my very first paycheck last month i bought a reebok PlayDry jersey its white and ORANGE hahaha so funn. im wearing it now actually. heh its so comfy but a little see through lah the kids at the centre were asking how come i was wearing one shirt underneath my jersey actually that was my sports bra but i didnt know how to explain to them so i just shushed them hahaha. lol. woo ccao. i like! can see different hairstyles ( i hope). hoho maybe i should spike my hair major-ly tomoro and see their reactions x) alrights then byebye! i ned to sleep cos my shift tomoro is like at 8. blames nicola @_@

animal resort

2005-12-16T18:50:00.000+08:00

haha today was quite an eventful day, if not memorable. i went to work as usual, but the unusual thing was that i went two hours earlier than usual. today was the day for an excursion to the animal resort at seletar farmway and yeah i went along cos it was my shift anyway. stupid fanfan had time but decided she didnt wanna come along even though i had spent 1 hour on the phone last night trying to persuade her at sporadic intervals to go with me @_@ well yeah but it was still quite fun lah. haha so i reached graceland at 11.40 supposedly to help fanfan to set up the orientation deco first before the students set off at 12.15 to the farm, but then when i reached there fanfan told me that ms ang said we didnt need to do any deco for orientation so i just hung around crapping to fanfan and making cynical comments about the kids. i tell you we should have recorded our convos down and see in the future whether our dire predictions for the kids' futures would come true hahaha. lol then fan left around 12.10 then we set off around 12.25.

the trip was super long, about 40 minutes. as in the journey there lah. then we spent about 10 minutes listening to the host talk about the animals we shouldnt be feeding and the animals we should beware of blahblahblah. then we were given a whole box of food to feed the animals and i set off with some of them to feed the horses and the goats. super fun lah i had the goat slobbering all over my hand but it was super tame. yep we also fed the geese [which made A LOT of noise] and the rabbits. uhuh the kids ah spent their money like water kept buying food for the animals as well as food for themselves. hahs then went to another pond further up with huge fish and a swan. and turtles. uber cute ones. yep then we left lah after feeding the rabbits one last time. went back to the centre around 4 and i left at 5 after their teabreak ( i ate quite a few biscuits too hahaha ) and swept up after the kids (do they know how to eat properly or what) and left. and now im going to a concert orgamised by my former church so i better go now haha to dress. byee! =D

training ends this week!

2005-12-14T19:29:00.000+08:00

TRAINING IS GOING TO END. GAHHHHH.

on a happier note, i wont need to rush to work every tues and thurs now (=

child care centre

2005-12-06T18:51:00.000+08:00

haha today was fun but tiring and my left arm threatens to fail me as i type but heck. whahah.

it started with training. we had scrimmage, mixed between both divisions. i was the only sec three in my team, so cola's team was stronger from the outset. but i didnt really care if we lost ( and we did lose) cos we're all still raffles and thats whats important.

anyway, i was made "captain" of my team since i was the only sec three so i was like in charge of giving batting order and signals. yep that was fun but i didnt really care about signals since most of my team were sec ones and they didnt know how to bunt anyway and still abit confused about baserunning. what i hated was their attitude. do juniors nowadays not respect their seniors anymore?? im not expecting kowtows and respectful bows everytime a junior sees me but at least, listen to instructions! ------ was on second and we were shouting to her to remember to take a lead and she didnt and then when yz got the ball in the circle already she was still off the base so i screamed to her to get back to base and she just stood there without moving. granted, she may not have known that if your foot is off base when the ball is in the pitcher's circle then you can be called out, ( which coach did explain to us early on in the game why he called joelle out - and joelle was super sporting about it) she did it a second time. and the expression on her face, if i didnt see wrongly, was one of defiance. and when i was third base coach and she finally came to third, i was explaining to her in a gentle voice ( i manged to cool my temper) where to take a lead and how to run, and she looked in the other direction without affirmation of anything i said. for goodness' sake, when someone talks to you the basic courtesy is to look at her if youre not occupied elsewhere right? walao. piss me off.

well then the second time i went up to bat, hahaha i told myself, youre the leader of the team, you've not done well at warmup batting, but heck, just hit whatever comes. and the first pitch that came in from yz was beautiful - exact center. WHAM i swung and woooooo it shot to second base's direction and between left and center fielder. its my first homerun, and im proud to say that today marks the day i officially break away from my "freeze-up" whenever i go into the batters box. -beams.

hahh then in second inning i was catcher. cool right. i love catcher's position. anyway then i caught then yeah made some mistakes but it was fun. yep then third inning omi took over again. but it was all really fun and yeah real cool.

after the game coach gave us a debrief as usual. then halfway he started talking about catchers not backing up their pitchers. he said catchers could, if the ball is skimming the edge of the plate as it is coming in , the catcher can catch it then turn the glove slightly so when the umpire sees it it looks like strike. hahaha then he mentioned me! he said "like genevieve. she played catcher one inning right and she moved it in - quite beautifully. and shes not even a catcher!"

wahaha he was saying this cos the whole of c team refuses to catch. so there;s no one willing to train as catcher bah. so he was mentioning that they should look at the b teams example co s even if my team with yy as pitcher didnt have any fulltime training catchers we ( me and omi) just volunteered to catch and did a good job too. hahah trng was memorable.

yay dinner time. im ravenous. bye! i wanted to talk about work ex today but i guess no time. byee!

tf camp

2005-11-29T19:55:00.000+08:00

haha zishan i promise you this post wouldnt end with "to be continued" if i can help it lol. maybe my primary problem is being too verbose sigh. ah well.

just came back from tf camp in church. haha and the sad fact is that i have lost my voice. losing your voice isnt a very pleasant thing especially since the whole group was banking on you to be the "lawyer" in "Kangaroo Court". for those who havent played kangaroo court before, its a court thingo where each group has a lawyer and the lawyer brings forth [stupid and rubbishy] allegations against people from another assigned group. i got accused once of talking too much (now you know why i lost my voice haha) but thats about all thankfully. heh samantha got accused like more than 5 times cos why? her brother was the lawyer from the group that was assigned to watch us x) poor samantha.

woo i love the capt's ball games. on monday we all played capt's ball straight for at least an hour. i was the captain (the one standing on the box to catch the ball) almost all the way through and haha many times throughout joel was commenting that i'm an undefendable captain ( my church tf plays a version with a defender in front of the capt to hit away any ball thrown to the capt) cos i jump so high. yep that helped my group beat topaz 13-10 in one game woo. and we even beat amber 5-3. for your info, amber is the group with joel, ethan, sharon and chrystal, all who play either bball or netball with the exception of chrystal who is an excellent capt. they managed to beat us in the second game against them though. but i didnt really mind cos well its only a camp lah. overall, amber was the winning team followed by mine. it was quite surprising cos we were the last group on saturday with 610 points. the others all had like 700+ points. so we were like resigned to losing and thus didnt bother to play well. maybe that helped us win. the relaxed mindset.

yep. so i have mc from work and training. rather sad, i have been sleeping for the most part of today due to the extreme drowsiness my medicine inflicts on me. even now im feeling extremely drowsy cos i just took my med. such an uneventful life sigh. i have so far skipped three trainings le. really sad but i cant do anything about it except take my med faithfully and pray that i get well soon. ah well. tata!

housecamp!

2005-11-23T07:14:00.000+08:00

housecamp was funfunfun! xD me likes house camp! me hopes there're more house camps in the future! whee! hahaha.

okay sorry just had to get that out feeling kinda frivolous this morning. well. house camp. had to go early on friday to help to set up and everything and confirm the sequence of events with the capts. of course they absolutely refused to tell me what the icebreaker games were all about since i had to play them too. hahah but i din mind cos they were fun! =D and i love my group. go BLENDED FISH AKA SHARKS' FIN CLUB! me loves you! yay =D

anyway yeah. mission bloo was the highlight of the day i think, what with me having to mop up after every group and all. it got really gross hahaha. mrs lim showed me a way to wring out the water from the mop, but the problem is she asked me to wring it out on a patch of dry floor which just defeats the purpose doesnt it? ah well.

haha i think i was very kind to the groups that i had to give forfeit to before giving them my locker combi. they better not try to invade my locker next year! gah. well. yeah and i made my group sing auldlangsyne cos lynette smsed me to tell me to make them do something different. wahaha you should have seen the actions that went along with it. dora and marese played the parts of the parting friends, and were weeping and wiping invisible tears in the beginning of the song. then when the song said that they reunited, they came together and linked arms and started prancing around like little children xD the funniest part was when the last sentence "we'll take a cup of kindness dear for auldlangsyne" was sang. they held up an imaginary cup, then linked arms and "drank". darn funny i tell you everybody was laughing when my group performed it in the canteen. i love my group.

okay gtg now. will continue some other time. (=

farewell and class chalet

2005-11-16T12:01:00.000+08:00

farewell and class chalet!! ohmy i spent like 50+ bucks on these two days i can hardly believe it can. but it was worth it (= both were super fun and memorable. woo.

so on monday, 14th, i woke up at like 8 and very kan-chiong-ly ate breakfast and blah and proceeded to finish the last of the presents and then the notes. well needless to say i was rushing extremely cos i was supposed to meet the rest for amazing race at orchard mrt at 2, and that meant that i would have to leave house by 1. the banes of living in jurong. anyway. yeah so i was ordering my brother around helping me to do stuff so that i could at least make it on time to the amazing race thing. but he had to leave early for school cos his school only had half day that day so yeah i had to do everything myself. wahaha tempers were flaring i tell you. i should get a better sense of time.

well then i finished at around 12.45. great right. so i rushed to eat (i finished a bowl of rice + vege +eggs + meat in 2 minutes) then bathed then left. whahaha. yeah then left home without even bothering to clear up the mess i left on the kitchen floor after making seniors' presents. simply didnt have time you see. heh.

yeah i was the latest to arrive at orchard but at least it wasnt so bad, it was 2.30 and they were still there discussing. yep then when farhan and kh arrived to help them play the game (woah they are super sporty) then we separated and started the game. woah i tell you ruoqi knows wisma + taka like, at the tips of her fingers or something. hahah when we the sec threes were planning the thing, we walked around 3 floors before realising that the body shop was on the first floor -.- and ruoqi and bel and deborah just walked straight to it without asking us for directions. (x we sec threes are too innocent for words. whahaha. you should have seen bel and deb pretending to bathe in body shop. me cola and ping were laughing our heads off lor. whaahhaa. i wonder what the staff thought x)

yeah then the rest werent very fun to describe cos i mostly didnt get to see the funny parts cos the three of them seniors were walking so super fast that well, me cola and ping were left trailing behind. haha. oh yeah and the part about taking photos with someone one head taller than you, we managed to spot hong shen at j8 so they took a pic with him. cool right. heh.

oh yeah then everything died down at citylink mall. my group was faster (duh!) so we went to starbucks to drink coffee. bel and ruoqi joined us later then deb came. when the rest of them arrived, we al went with them to do the thing together. last stop anyway. then we decided to give up and deb went to treat them at starbucks again i think. wahah then me cola and ping decided to go to walk around citylink since we already had our coffee (well ping and cola had fraps but anyway) yeah it was fun walking around and talking about stuff and joking. when we finally decided to return to starbucks we found yuezhen sleeping and chris talking to weehao. wahah then we all created a ruckus by playing heizhima and baizhima and jikoupa and whatnot. hahas so childish. but fun lah. cola is so difficult to beat at jikoupa! whahaa. but shes fun when playing heizhima cos she gets all confused about which is which 20 secs into the game. whee. hahahaha.

right then we decided to make our way to dhoby ghaut mrt to fish and co lah. the rest of the sec ones and twos were already there, plus some of the sec fours who didnt come for the amazing race. we said goodbye to farhan and kh at the mrt. hahas then we started giving out the presents. first ping zhen chris and bin gave out the sewed softballs to the seniors who were squealing wahahas. yeah i do admit they are cute. hahas. then cola gave out her strawberries together with her sis and then i mustered the courage to give out my sand bottles. whee i was the only one who gave notes. ahhaah and come to think about it they look like graduation certs. yay then the food came. it was so funny ping was supposed to share a seafood platter with bin and the soup that came with it was supposed to be shared between both of them too. ping started drinking it first and was three-quarters through when bin squealed and ping realised that it was supposed to be shared -.- wahahaha the ensuing pushing back and forth of food was hilarious cos ping was trying to make up for the soup by pushing more food and drink toward bin. ah well. hee i finished my fish but not my fries. must have been the starbucks, i din feel hungry at all. hahaa. we also played I Never and when someone i cant rem who said i never had a boyfriend chris went to drink her water -.- apparently she and weehao and together. then she was describing how they supposedly agreed to be together over msn but there was no explicit agreement lah so i just well decided to amuse myself watching espn and starsports instead, given my vantage point near the centre and facing the tv sets. our opposite table which was filled with another group of older boys and girls were making a lot of noise. and guess what. the downstairs guests complained. the worst thing was , the manager guy came up to scold us instead of the other table! i mean look at us, a bunch of 13 to 16yr olds. could we scream and yell yam seng so loud and so low as the other table full of at least 17yr olds with GUYS??? stupid manager. fortunately one of the waitresses went to tell him that it was the other table that was making so much noise not us. and he didnt even bother to say sorry and just left. shit him lah. but thanks to the waitress though (=

ah. i left around 9.20 to go for class chalet. woo thank God my dad could find his way around and we arrived at costa sands aeast coast at around 10? we found the place promptly and i waved goodbye to pa and mum and tim and they left. the room was so small!! haha only kelly andrea kim christabel alexis lydia and of course rach was there. at around 10.30 andrea left cos she couldnt stay overnight. whee then they decided to go out and wak along the beach. but me having been expressly forbidden to go out at night, i stayed back in the chalet with christabel and we talked and watched tv. there was nothing nice on lah. then around 12 i couldnt stand it anymore and fell asleep. fortunately christabel stayed awake and let the people in around 1. and they tokd and toked for hours. i finally woke up at 3am when they were discussing underwear and whatnot -.- they were so surprised when i suddenly sat up whahaha. then we toked for awhile and they played taiti and then slowly everybody started falling asleep starting with lydia then alexis and christabel went to lie down then kim then kelly then rach then me. i went to switch off the tv and didnt really sleep cos i just woke up mah. so i just stayed half-awake, me and rach sharing a pillow and a blanket. wahaha then at 5 i woke up, surprised to find the light off, and christabel was awake too, and she went to check her watch. thats how i knew it was 5. mm so i went back to sleep and woke up again when kelly's alarm clock woke everybody else up and their noise woke me up. whhahahah.

-to be continued-

limericks!

2005-11-11T17:02:00.000+08:00

wahah i have a sudden craze for limericks! woo at the expense of some people x) whahahas.

craps! when you see lichen is coming

beware! she is ever so cunning

if your back is to her, she will light up and cheer

and you'll wish you've done more thinking

there was once a little girl called catherine

She was always forever singing

if you sat beside her, you might just go bonkers

and your head will start to ring

there was once a little girl called lichen

who strutted about like a fern

She could never concentrate, though her teacher got irate

she could always ace her turn.

okay. haha time to go now and do some room-clearing! -looks guilty- seeya!

happy day

2005-11-03T20:26:00.000+08:00

yay today was a happy happy day! (=

firstly we went out to [edit]___ then etc etc (woohoo any senior who has somehow dreamt of the words before editing please try your very best to obliterate them from your memory x) i mean, what am i talking about right? hahahah[/edit] mrts to come up with the amazing race thing for farewell (= woops. haha better not say any more in case any senior is reading this. hahahaa.

okay then we separated at 4 and i took the train back towards boon lay (= then on the way i decided to alight at clementi to go to clementi central to see if they sell nice wallets/purses x) cos i wanted to buy one. ahha. but they didnt really have anything )= so i decided to follow my original plan of going to the wallet shop in jurong point to buy the wallet ive always wanted to buy heh. yep so when i reached there jurong point was realy crowded. everywhere i turn i see maids and bangladeshi workers. haha. i made my way to the shop which was also crowded and then looked through the wallets lah. in the end there was a showdown between billabong and ozozo sac. i chose ozozo sac (= i was glad i made that choice. firstly ozozo is more than 10 bucks cheaper than billabong. secondly the billabong one was too big. thirdly i think the ozozo one will last me longer because it is more classy. heh (=

lol. i think brands like billabong and nike are obscenely overpriced x) just like swensens pasta hahah. lol that was totally random. but anyway yah. if you want pasta, go pastamania. its much cheaper and theres more variety. -nods head.

tmr is last day of school which is also conveniently clean-up day. 308ers must remember to bring rags to school! haha. im so looking forward to getting back report book man -.- like wow over how my gpa has dropped drastically. grr.

post eoy

2005-10-24T18:42:00.000+08:00

haha today marks the, well, third day of liberation from eoys! (= though my class had to go back for some math field testing thing from the examinations branch of moe -_- quite difficult but i managed to do some lah. i left some blanks too, but who cares? xP

woot this morning before math we (meaning yiwen mushroom rachc shulin and me!) went to kbox! haha i was the earliest to arrive, reaching somerset mrt at 10.15, a full half hour before we were scheduled to meet -_- i seriously have some problems estimating time. anyway, i almost got lost trying to get to cine, knowing the dork that i am, but yeah well around 10.25 i reached cine. it was so dark and people-less and many shops were closed so i just walked around aimlessly. the security guard looked at me as if i was a loiterer or something x) well actually in a strict sense i was. so i went to bk, having lots of time to kill, and bought an ice milo. then mushroom came haha she practically sauntered in. from my vantage point at bk which was directly opposite the entrances her silhouette was amusing to watch. but aniwae. yeah then both of us walked around aimlessly around the second floor then went back down to first floor to wait for yiwen who reached like only at 11? hah then we went up to 4th floor. kbox not open yet so we like stood there and talked. theres a movie called chicken little coming up and the chick is so cutee! x) in the ad it was dancing to the tune of dragostea din tei ahhaha. okay. i think the sec three softballers should go watch it no? xP

yeah. then finally the thing opened and rachc joined us. the first room we got, the tv kept hanging -_- the worst thing was it stopped hanging when the shuai kbox guy came in! i bet he thought we were just using that as an excuse to get him in the room x) haha then he transferred us to another room, a bigger one. it hanged again and we calld him in again haha. he finally turned the power off and on again in exasperation and guess what. the tv hanged while switching on! hahaha so we were again transported to another room. thank goodness this time the tv worked fine, and we were well away from everybody (= so didnt need to have to bear horrendous renditions of certain pop songs by wannabe singers hahaha.

hm yeah at 2 then we rushed to school for the math thing. i should really talk about things in order. sigh. haha but anyway yiwen went back to school then changed in the pb room cos prefects not allowed to wear uni outside when shopping or whatever. we waited for her so long, then leening found that she was looking at the mirror -_- anyway we were slightly late for the math thingo but yeah alright lah the invigilator was an old man who didnt really care when we wanted to leave early so he just collected all the papers of those who couldnt care less about the paper and were impatient to leave. hah yeah. hms.

yeah anyway me rachc and the rest of the netcarn players are coming back to school tomoro to prac for netcarn (= but its so scary the other classes are so enthu about it and we havent even started practising. lol we might get a thrashing next monday for all we know. haha.

alrights. shall end here. i have a penchant for blogging too long entries haha.

in the middle of eoy week

2005-10-19T12:49:00.000+08:00

6 down, 3 more to go! (=

doesnt help that the last 3 are the ones with the most calculations huh x) hahah but im still glad that two thirds of tests are gone and done away with. no matter how difficult they were, im just glad that im confident i wont fail, except maybe for chinese paper 2 . heh if you were one of the people i spoke to about chinese paper, you would know what stupid, retarded answers and methods of coming up with answers that i used during the paper. really, im expecting to like borderline pass/fail -squeezes eyes shut- im rather glad and thank God that my mind was rather clear throughout the ss paper, cos i think thats all you need to do well for ss. hahas im looking forward to post eoys -winks at lingxi- i bet we'll enjoy this year's post eoys more cos this year for rp cos we had stress throughout the whole year, 'specially term 3 and 4. [I TYPED A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS HERE AND THANKS TO STUPID BLOGGER ITS ALL GONEEEEEEE ARGHHHH]

alright. time to go be good and mugger and print out chem+physics practice from inet. lalala. im going jogging later! -beams- off with the lipids!

2005-10-18T20:33:00.000+08:00

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	8 1/2
your best quality is	youre talented
your worst quality is	ha nothing! you rule!
this is because	you were born this way

Quiz created with MemeGen!

quiz!

2005-10-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	8 1/2
your best quality is	youre talented
your worst quality is	ha nothing! you rule!
this is because	you were born this way

Quiz created with MemeGen!

hahaha! so fun!

eoys!

2005-10-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

eoys are coming! gen is trying to act calm but is actually very scared! >_<

i keep telling myself that if i just pass everything, i'm happy... then the thought of failing comes to me cos i got a feeling that the teachers are feeling sadistic so they set the papers really hard ): so then i feel guilty for not feeling ganchiong about exams. then i cram cram cram and finish the worksheets. mostly i get them correct, thank God for giving me the intelligence to remember the concepts and having ways to remember them as well, but i have an annoying tendency to become really panicky during tests and then forgetting everything -_- which would of course invalidate all the cramming that i have attempted to perform during this two trying weeks. sighs. if that really happens i dunno what i'll do to myself.

haha. anyway. im particularly scared for lit. unseen prose/poetry. number one, i have never done well in poetry and will probably never do. i need prompting to be able to see the richness of the language in poetry , which of course will be absent during tests. im okay with unseen prose, but when im writing i tend to go off point. too much stuff to say lah. only got 18/25 for the recent unseen prose test -_- but the highest was 20 so i guess its not that bad lah huh. hmms.

the thing was lit is that its not that ling2 huo2. there are certain points about the passage that if you bring up, the teachers will definitely mark wrong no matter what you write later on to elaborate on that point, unlike philo test on fallacies where if you explain clearly the teacher would accept regardless of whether you identified the correct fallacy in the answer sheet. thats what i dont like because sometimes what i come up with is vastly different from what the expected answer is and even if i manage to validate my point the teacher will just mark the whole para wrong. sucks eh. sighs.

anyway. came up with a study programme for tmr. is hoping fervently that i'll be able to follow it at least roughly. i have a knack for not doing things according to schedule. hahh procrastination is my middle name >_< lol. well sighs. i dont like text conversion. why cant they just stick with good ol' narrative writing. and chinese. im definitely not going to be able to finish it on time, considering all the lijiewenda that we have to complete plus tian cong plus summary. all in two hours?!

and chem. im okay with it, i just hope that i'll be able to understand the questions. i think i'll be fine from there.

ss. gahhhh. im so scared for ss. all the link link thing. finally i understand how to write a "well-written" comment -inducing essay, but that was only for principles of governance. i dont know what im going to write for active citizenship can. grrrr.

physics. should be fine lah huh, going by the last test. and math. if i dont keep thinking about the ludicrous amount of money i will be wanting to splurge on myself after the math paper and then playing netball (my second fave sport - after softball, of course haha) i should be able to do fine. after all, geom props of circles has been the only topic in math that i'll ever be able to do decently well and prob ever will. ohwells. i just hope that my math marks wont look too bad. fat hope though. what with just passing for the whole of term 3 >_< sighs.

alrights. shall stop complaining. off to finish up my study programme. bye! and all the best for eoys people! jiayou!

mum is better (:

2005-10-11T18:26:00.000+08:00

my mum is recovering! thank God (:

anyway, i love tuesdays. haha esp days that lead up to exams cos there's no after-school activities heh. can go home with lingxi and shuting and ocean and fanfan (: then talk crap like we always do until we part ways. haha. or discuss schoolwork. good way of revising lol.

today we had pe assessment for softball. guess what hahaaa. for my assessment on batting i hit to jblock (actually not very far lah woops) then mrs anis was like "no extra points for homeruns hah!" o_O hahahah okay. then yah i got excellent for assessment lah duh i mean im a softballer if i dont get that im retarded. so anyway. heh then she was assessing the other groups then my group (me cat lyd yiwen leoleo rachc zishan alexis) played a small game against glow kim shulin kelly lingxi tammie and vanessa i think. yah was so funny they all din wanna bat first so i forced cat to go first hahaha game strategy mah. she can hit grounders so def get on base one. then i went next cos they all forced me to. i was saying "i sure malu myself one you all dont laff at me ah." hahahaa. they were like -.- first glow pitched to me then i swung hard but cos contact not good then the ball is the rgpe soft soft one so it became a foul ball. but the sound was super loud lah glow was cringing. hahaha. okay =P so then next pitch. it was slightly low, all the better for me. i swung aimlessly and it drove straight over everybody's heads and in between the barbed wires over the fence xDD basically, i helped pe dept lose a white bouncy ball. hahahahah. couldnt get over mah. stupid fence. heh. woots. then the second time around mrs anis cheat she helped the other team by standing next to the fence then i hit a driving grounder which bounced on the track then she stopped it with her clipboard i only managed to get safe at second )): lol. so fun hahaha.

during recess, went to change out after pe. guess what. beckykwan's class' ACP was going on. and dear becky was the zhu jiao (leading character) she played a male skeleton and had hideous marks all over her face and around her eyes >< hahah i was so tickled i made pris lend me her cam and then asked her to take a pic of becky and stacey hahaha. cannot use phone out of canteen/foyer mah. stupid becky went to cover her face so pris couldnt take a frontal pic )): but nevertheless it was quite clear who it was haha. i like candid pics (: heh but me and pris became late for lit class. woops.

okays. today so fun (: shall blog more later dad's hurrying me to go for dinner. bye! all the best for eoys everyone (:

fragility of life

2005-10-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

my mum has dengue.

sometimes i feel that life is so fragile. this supposed civilisation, the apparent superiority of mankind, the advance of science, can do nothing to guard against the heartbreak, the worry, the anxiety, that stems from a tiny little insect when it decides to answer its instincts.

another thing.

we were coming back from church today. on the way, we stopped at a traffic light. just as the light turned green, a mother and her daughter began rushing across the road.

my dad saw them early and thus waited for them to pass before engaging first gear. just as the car began moving, we heard a loud screech. our heads turned. the driver of a mercedes benz at the far end, not being able to see the pair dash across the road as his view was blocked, had begun moving. he jambraked when they passed his car, just missing them by a few inches.

the driver shook his fists at the mother, who smiled sheepishly back. the daughter looked innocently on.

could the ending have been different? could another two people never see the light of day again? why do people wait to make mistakes before realising that they should have never ventured to cross the perimeter of laid-down boundaries in the first place? why are we so stubborn?

and God, being all-merciful and gracious, has to put up again and again, day after day, month after month, year after year, life after life, of such pure audacity and ill-inspired confidence against His holiness. and yet He had never really shown His full wrath. recently we heard of Hurricane Katrina, of its successor Rita, of famines in countries, and of epidemics like the dengue fever right at our very own doorstep. i say God has finally decided to be more firm with us. the end of the world may be coming, who knows. but what i know is that my family and i will be prepared when Jesus comes again.

will you take up your cross and follow Jesus? the day of the Lord is at hand.

school so far

2005-10-05T22:12:00.000+08:00

i think i'm really retarded. haha but aniwae.

just crashed-mugged for bio SPA and chem post test tmr. woots i think i'll fail. i do badly in everything. no matter how hard i try, i still come back with results that make my parents stare at me as if im a human with no brains. then all around i get this chorus of "oh i did badly" then when i ask them how much they got, they inevitably will get like WAY HIGHER than me -_-" thanks alot man. that helped.

and everyone's like so hardworking its scary. im still in this slacker mood. but everyday i walk into class and i see vanessa practising math questions from workbook. i hear that didi is practising 10 math qns everyday. yangzhe and zhanghe study together like almost everyday from last week onwards. fanfan went to national library to mug chem last friday. the examples go on and on. and what am i doing here huh? shoo gen. remember your long-lost membership in the muggers' club? reclaim it. it'll be better for your sanity.

anyway. its 10 plus now. time to sleep. and stop musing.

late

2005-09-29T23:41:00.000+08:00

its like going to midnight now and im not sleeping yet. brilliant. im so prouda myself. i wanna announce to the whole world that I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED MY ~~freaking~~ CHINESE BOOK REPORTS WHOO! and i finished two of them within 4.5 hours somemore. not bad right. not bad at all. haha.

a book report, a letter, and a writeup about the author. im so hardworking sigh. some people did bookmarks. thats utterly brainless. just read the synopsis, examine the cover of the book, and voila! a bookmark idea comes to your mind immediately. no need to even open the book man. great. im feeling stupid.

sighs. mr lim's leaving softball for basketball ): but wish him all the best in basketball! i think he'l be able to contribute there more than here. i agree (= haha he only picked up softball this year! which prob means that the school doesnt really look upon softball as an important cca cos they send teachers here who dont have experience and didnt want to be here in the first place. im beginning to revise my original opinion of the school as a utopia, minusing the homework load, of course. i was thinking more along the lines of the way the school is run, the rules and regulations. perhaps the older and more senior you rise in the school the more you realise the sinister forces that lurk in the background that were obscured from your eyes before. well now im glad i saw them. and im not gonna sit back and watch.

ah well. shall not announce my plans too soon. the primary reason why im not part or refuse to be of any major leadership group in school eg congress, etc, is cos i find that the people who make up the leadership of those boards tend to veer towards the teachers' and principals' opinions. probably pre-sourced out as pro-admin beforehand huh. i want to not have any restrictions over me. complete freedom from "party obligations" is the best, but sometimes this is not possible. im thinking of how my resume will look like next time too. haha.

alright. just crapped alot. enough crapping. brain and hands and neck are tired. is hungry too, but sticks to self-imposed policy of no snacking. shall look forwards to the doughnuts for breafast tmr morning.

new blog

2005-09-24T20:17:00.000+08:00

heh. this new blog can be classified as the epitome of whimsicality on my part. (= however i could not see this beautiful blogskin and not claim it (in a sense) as my own. haha so behold this blog before you.

just been to jurong east library, the crowd there is stifling. there are so many people round every corner that it puts me off. was there to borrow some xiao shuo to do yue du bao gao. mm. of course my eyes were scanning the shelves for the slimmest volumes x) cant help it, can i? deadline is friday and i'm not exactly known to read chinese words fast. thankfully it is not summative. or else i would have like freaked out about it long ago. hahas.

alrightys. blogging on blogger makes you blog short posts unlike blogdrive where i become much more verbose heh i dunno why though dont ask me (= gotta go attempt to read the books i borrowed. to churn out some semblance of a book report in chinese xP lol bye.